Q & A
Key:
AFJ = Aaron Flint Jamison
AM = Alex Mahan
DM = Dave Matthies
JB = Jeremy Bosworth
MM = Megan McDonald
RS = Rachel Shimp
PE = Phil Elverum
GE = Genevieve Elverum
FP = Fireman Phil
B = Beethoven
1. Where did you get the name “The Department of Safety?”
AM – Flint, Tammy and I had brainstormed about 80 different names for the place. After a trip to Montana, we were sitting in “Rambo’s Itchin’ Burrito Kitchen” in Seattle, and over bean burritos, the name clicked. Plus, DoS means “two” in Spanish. Nah sayin?
2. What donut should I get?
PE – If it’s day, get “Black Forest Cherry.” If it’s night, get whatever’s still lukewarm or straight up warm.
3. How much does it cost to park there for 6 hours? My car is a standard passenger vehicle, although my rear wheels are “double” and my tape player DOES have an automatic flip-over.
RS – The Department of Safety is a hostel and venue and concept. BUT NOT a pay-by-the-hour parking garage. Our venue was once home to fire engines but it no longer available for parking. Please stop emailing us about this.
4. What time should we “load in”?
B – I am Beethoven.
5. Hey, kid, I’m a computer!
JB – asdfsadfdsahskgggckofraggggin
6. Is Phil, like, a big fan of rap music? I heard some beatz once.
JB – Please, consider buying one of my wonderful glass bowls! Check out our art section for more info.
7. Why can’t my band play on Tuesday?
PE – Anacortes was founded by retirement retired people. From that day until now, all of its citizens have been retired. There’s a checkpoint at both bridges onto the island where all visitors and immigrants are instantly rendered “retired.” Therefore, Tuesdays are, pretty much everywhere on Fidalgo Island, devoted to playing dominos and going to bed early.
8. What about Thursday?
PE – Knitting and listening to CBC.
9. Monday?
PE – Doctor’s appointment.
10. Last time I was there, I got banned forever from the DoS for “horsing off.” What gives?
AM – Every show we ban at least 10 “customers” arbitrarily. You are also banned from our website. Also, you are banned from saying the words “safety,” “department,” or “of.”
11. Can you design me a “horce crushes you house” poster, or a website with awesome pictures of different kinds of mules on it?
MM – In 1789, the last fur trapper left Fort Langley in search of the “perfect pelt.” While trading salt for cod on the perilous Greenland/Newfoundland border, he ran horribly afoul of the Hudson’s Bay Company’s notorious “pelt busters.” Ever since, Canadian parliament has ruled that any posters with “crushes you house” in the title must be kept property of the Crown and north of the 49th parallel. Sorry.
12. Well, still, your website is totally awesome! Are you guys a graphic design firm or sum’in?
Voltaire – Remember my famous words: “I do not agree with what you say, so I will fight you to the death to prevent you from saying it.”
B- Ah, that silly Voltaire. I am Beethoven! I will design you a website!
13. What does it mean when a Gray Wolf barks twice and then howls?
DM – Generally speaking, with gray wolves, a bark followed by another bark is a sign of warning. However, when 2 barks are followed immediately with a long howl, it means the pack is in mid-hunt and one of them has just made a kill. During its life, the wolf is seldom out of earshot of the howl. The howl is like the “cell phone” of the wolf. Barking is like instant messaging. Growling is like normal talking. Tail wagging is email.
14. My mom says that some tall guy there swears all the time. Is it true?
FP – Shut the **** up, Flint! (to someone in the room) – She’s talking about me!
15. Did you guys ever listen to Public Enemy in 5th grade?
B – Ice Cube is down with the PE, now every single ***** wanna see me!
16. Is Melissa single?
RS – “Two months ago I was reviewing albums in my Florida apartment, watching tropical rain shake the trees outside. Now I’m sitting on a rock overlooking a tiny town in the Pacific Northwest, as the dying day illuminates Mt. Baker like a pink ice cream sundae. The appropriate soundtrack for my new environment: Norfolk and Western’s Dusk in Cold Parlours, released this October on Portland’s Hush Records. As a longtime fan of sleepy, wistful indie-folk, I knew the instant my housemates turned me onto this that I’d be hi-jacking it for the late afternoon walks to my lookout spot.”
17. Awww, sweet! I just found out that Anacortes has a SK8PARK! How far from the DoS to the skateboard park?
JB – Please, consider the following offer: I will take copper, glass, wood, and beautiful recycled metal parts. I will use my kiln and other tools to fashion a really amazing and useful object for you, such as a popcorn popper or an ice cream de-sticker. I will then sell you the hand-crafted machine for a very reasonable price, or keep it for myself, if the mood is right.
18. How come you guys never call me back? I am looking to book a show and I’ve called like 8 times and left several messages on your answering machine.
Redfaced AM – Ah. AHH. AHHHHHH. Grm. grpha. BRAAP! THWAP! (Emits a REAL bronx cheer).
19. This section of the website seems sort of pretentious and useless. I mean, these obviously aren’t real questions, and the answers are random and stupid at best. AT BEST.
AFJ – We are attempting to stay warm and dry. We are also building and cleaning stuff. If you would like to participate in “ambiguous” and “anti-theoretical” brainstorming sessions about no particular topic, please e-mail us. Bye.
20. Do you guys know how to spell cantaloupe?
PE – Cantaloupe
JB – Doesn’t pamplemousse mean grapefruit?
GE – Yeah but it’s pampemoussi and it means nothing.
MORE AWESOME QUESTIONS ON THE WAY REALLY SOON!